Hermione: Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities!
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.
Dumbledore: It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.
Dumbledore: What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows.
Molly Weasley: [looks at Fred, hoping to get him onto platform 9 3/4] Fred, you next.
George Weasley: He's not Fred, I am!
Fred Weasley: Honestly, woman. You call yourself our mother.
Molly Weasley: [to Fred] Oh, I'm sorry, George.
Fred Weasley: [approaches the barrier] I'm only joking, I am Fred!
[runs through the barrier]
Professor Severus Snape: There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few...
[stares at Draco Malfoy]
Professor Severus Snape: Who possess, the predisposition... I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.
[notices Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention!
[steps over to Harry]
Professor Severus Snape: Mister Potter. Our new celebrity.
Ron: [Harry and Ron arrive late to Transfiguration, relieved that Professor McGonagall isn't there yet] Whew, made it. Can you imagine the look on old McGonagall's face if we were late?
[the cat sitting at the head of the class suddenly transforms into her]
Ron: That was bloody brilliant!
Professor McGonagall: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.
Harry: We got lost.
Professor McGonagall: Then perhaps a map? I trust you don't need one to find your seats.
Mr. Ollivander: Curious... very curious...
Harry: Sorry, but what's curious?
Mr. Ollivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. It so happens that the phoenix whose tailfeather resides in your wand gave another feather... just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.
Harry: And who owned that wand?
Mr. Ollivander: We do not speak his name! The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why. But I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.
Neville Longbottom: [about his new Remembrall] Only problem is, I can't remember what I've forgotten.
Hermione: Harry, no way! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Besides, you don't even know how to fly!
[Harry ignores Hermione and he flies up]
Hermione: What an idiot!
Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful.
Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this.
[raises her wand]
Hermione: Petrificus Totalus!
[Neville's arms snap to his sides, and he drops to the floor, frozen stiff as a board]
Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary.
Professor Quirrel: Troll! In the dungeons!
Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know.
[faints and crumples onto the floor]
Hermione: [after Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil's Snare, Ron is still panicking] He's not relaxing, is he?
Harry: Apparently not.
Hermione: I've gotta do something!
Hermione: Oh, I remember reading something in herbology... um...
Hermione: Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare..."It's deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun!" That's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight! Lumos Solem!
[she conjures a type of sunlight from her wand; Ron falls to the ground below]
Harry: Ron, you okay?
Ron: [sigh] Lucky we didn't panic.
Harry: Lucky Hermione pays attention in herbology.
Sorting Hat: Hmm, difficult. VERY difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?
Harry: Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin.
Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? You could be great, you know. It's all here in your head. And Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, there's no doubt about that. No?
Harry: Please, please. Anything but Slytherin, anything but Slytherin.
Sorting Hat: Well if you're sure, better be... GRYFFINDOR!
[in the Devil's Snare]
Hermione: Stop moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!
Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!
Dumbledore: Harry, do you know why Professor Quirrell couldn't bear to have you touch him?
[Harry shakes his head]
Dumbledore: It was because of your mother. She sacrificed herself for you, and that kind of act leaves a mark.
[Harry reaches up to touch his scar]
Dumbledore: No, no. This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin.
Harry: What is it?
Dumbledore: Love, Harry. Love.
Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry?
Harry: A little.
Oliver Wood: That's all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What happened?
Oliver Wood: I, uh, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later.
Ron: What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?
Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?
Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads... or maybe you didn't notice? There were three!
Professor McGonagall: [to Harry and Ron after beating the Mountain Troll] Five points... will be awarded to each of you.
[Ron and Harry smile at each other]
Professor McGonagall: For sheer dumb luck.
Hermione: [putting a large book on the table] I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.
Ron: This is light?
Voldemort: There is no good and evil. There is only power, and those too weak to seek it.
Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley.
Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter.
Ron: So... so it's true! I mean, do you really have the... the...
Harry: The what?
Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar?
[shows him the scar on his forehead]
Draco Malfoy: You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't wanna go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.
[he holds out his hand, which Harry doesn't take]
Harry: I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks.
Harry: Good of you to get us out of trouble like that.
Ron: Mind you, we did save her life!
Harry: Mind you, she might not have needed saving if you hadn't insulted her.
Ron: [mimicking Hermione] "It's Levi-OOOOH-sa not LevioSAR." She's a nightmare, honestly. It's no wonder she hasn't got any friends!
[Hermione comes up from behind them and pushes past Ron, in tears]
Harry: I think she heard you.
Hagrid: [about Fluffy] Just play a bit of music and he falls straight asleep... I shouldn't have told you that!
[about Every Flavor Beans]
Dumbledore: I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee.
Dumbledore: Mm, alas, earwax.
Professor Severus Snape: For your information Potter, Asphodel and Wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of the Living Death, a Bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for Monkshood and Wolfbane, they are the same plant which also goes by the name of Aconite. Well, why aren't you all copying this down?
[during the final chess game; Harry looks around at the board]
Harry: Wait a minute!
Ron: You see it, don't you, Harry? Once I make my move, the Queen will take me. Then you're free to check the King.
Harry: No. Ron, NO!
Hermione: What is it?
Harry: He's going to sacrifice himself.
Hermione: No, you can't, there must be another way!
Ron: Do you want to stop Snape from getting that stone or not?
[Hermione looks stunned]
Ron: Harry, it's you that has to go on, I *know* it. Not me, not Hermione, YOU.
[Harry takes a deep breath and nods]
Ron: [after a deep breath] Knight to H3.
[Ron and his horse advance to the next square. Ron breathes deep]
[The white Queen turns, advances slowly upon him, then draws her sword and plunges it into his horse, throwing him violently to the ground]
[Hermione makes as if to run to him]
Harry: [to Hermione] NO! DON'T MOVE! Don't forget - we're still playing.
[Harry moves three squares diagonally to his left and turns to face the King]
Hagrid: You all right there, Harry? You seem very quiet.
Harry: He killed my parents, didn't he?
[puts a hand to his scar]
Harry: The one who gave me this?
[Hagrid is silent]
Harry: You know, Hagrid. I know you do.
[Hagrid sighs and pushes his bowl aside]
Hagrid: First - and understand this, Harry, 'cause it's very important - not all wizards are good. Some of them go bad. A few years ago there was one wizard that went as bad as you can go, and his name was V-
Hagrid: his name was V...
Harry: Maybe if you wrote it down...
Hagrid: Nah, I can't spell it. Alright
Harry: [loudly] Voldemort?
Hagrid: Shhh! It was dark times, Harry, dark times. Voldemort started to gather some followers, brought 'em over to the dark side. Anyone who stood up to him ended up dead. Your parents fought against him, but nobody lived once he decided to kill them. Nobody... not one... 'cept you.
Harry: Me? Voldemort tried to kill... ME?
Hagrid: Yes. That ain't no ordinary cut on your forehead. A mark like that only comes from being touched by a curse, and an evil curse at that.
Harry: What happened to Vol- to You-Know-Who?
Hagrid: Well, some say he died. Codswallop in my opinion. Nope, I reckon he's still out there, too tired to carry on. But one thing's certain, something about you stumped him that night. That's why you're famous, Harry, that's why everybody knows your name. You're the boy who lived.
Hermione: Feels strange to be going home, doesn't it?
Harry: [looking at Hagrid] I'm not going home. Not really.
Professor McGonagall: Albus, do you really think it safe, leaving him with these people? I've watched them all day. They're the worst sort of Muggles imaginable. They really are...
Dumbledore: The only family he has.
Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name.
Dumbledore: Exactly. He's far better off growing up away from all of that. Until he is ready.
[after being in the Dark Forest]
Harry: I think if he'd had the chance, he might've tried to kill me tonight.
Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final.
Fred Weasley: Well done, Harry. Wood's just told us.
Ron: Fred and George are on the team, too. Beaters.
George Weasley: Our job is to make sure that you don't get bloodied up too bad. Can't make any promises, of course. Rough game, Quidditch.
Fred Weasley: Brutal, but no one's died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, but they'll turn up in a month or two!
Dumbledore: Only a person who wanted to find the Stone - find it, but not use it - would be able to get it. That is one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something.
[looking at a recently-hatched dragon]
Hagrid: Isn't he beautiful? Oh, bless him! Look! He knows his mummy! Hallo, Norbert!
Hagrid: Yeah, well, he's gotta have a name, don't he?
Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing inside... on a day like this?
Hermione: Uh... well... we... we were just...
Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be careful. People will think you're...
[sees Harry staring at him]
Professor Severus Snape: Up to something.
Seamus Finnigan: [in Charms class] Wingardium Leviosa. Wingard...
Harry: [to Professor Flitwick] I think we're going to need another feather over here, Professor.
Ron: [Neville comes hopping in, his legs apparently stuck together] Leg-Locker Curse?
Ron: You have *got* to start standing up to people, Neville.
Neville Longbottom: [wobbling uncontrollably] How? I can barely stand at all!
Seamus Finnigan: [jumping up, wand at the ready] I'll do the counter-curse!
Neville Longbottom: No, that's all I need... you to set my bloody kneecaps on fire!
Seamus Finnigan: [slamming his wand down] I don't appreciate the insinuation, Longbottom. Besides, if anyone cares to notice, my eyebrows have completely grown back!
[stalks off angrily, showing a large chunk of hair missing from the back of his head]
Harry: I found him!
[hands Ron a Chocolate Frog card of Dumbledore]
Ron: 'Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the Dark Wizard Grindelwald in 1945-'
Harry: Go on.
Ron: '-for his discovery of the 12 uses of Dragon Blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner Nicolas Flamel!'
Harry: I knew the name sounded familiar, I read it on the train that day.
Hermione: [Beaming excitedly] Follow me!
[the Trio tears out of the Great Hall, leaving poor Neville still flailing around]
Neville Longbottom: Hey, wait, where are you going? What about the counter-curse?
[Before he can say another word he topples over backwards, sparking a fresh round of laughter from the other students]
[after catching Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor Severus Snape: Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
[Harry doesn't answer]
Professor Severus Snape: You don't know? Well, let's try again. Where, Mr. Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor Severus Snape: Pity. Clearly, fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?
Harry: I swear I don't know. One minute the glass was there and then it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There's no such thing as magic!
Hermione: Look at you playing with your cards. Pathetic! We've got final exams coming up soon.
Ron: I'm ready! Ask me any question.
Hermione: All right, what are the three most crucial ingredients in a Forgetfulness Potion?
Ron: I forgot.
Hermione: And what, may I ask, do you plan to do if this comes up in the final exam?
Ron: Copy off you?
Hermione: No, you won't! Besides, according to Professor McGonagall, we're to be given special quills bewitched with an anti-cheating spell.
Professor McGonagall: Nothing, I repeat, nothing gives a student the right to walk about the school at night. Therefore, as punishment for your actions, 50 points will be taken.
[Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking]
Professor McGonagall: Each.
[Harry's mouth drops open]
Professor McGonagall: And to ensure it doesn't happen again, all four of you will receive detention.
Draco Malfoy: [smirk suddenly fades and steps up] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard you wrong. I thought you said the four of us.
Professor McGonagall: No, you heard me correctly, Mr. Malfoy. You see, honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours. You will join your classmates in detention.
[Hagrid's sad about Norbert being taken away]
Caretaker Argus Filch: For God's sake, pull yourself together man. You're going into the Forest after all. Got to have your wits about ya...
Draco Malfoy: The Forest? I thought that was a joke. We can't go in there. Students aren't allowed. And there are-
[a howling noise is heard]
Draco Malfoy: ... werewolves.
Caretaker Argus Filch: Oh, there's more than werewolves in those trees, lad. You can be sure of that. Nighty-night.
Dudley Dursley: [on Dudley's birthday] How many are there?
Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.
Dudley Dursley: 36! But last year, last year I had 37!
Uncle Vernon: Yes, yes, but some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year.
Dudley Dursley: I don't care how big they are!
Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum.
[he checks the goblet, then tries again]
Seamus Finnigan: Eye of rabbit, harp string hum...
Harry: What's Seamus trying to do to that glass of water?
Ron: Turn it to rum. Actually managed a weak tea yesterday! Before...
[Hagrid tells Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco to split into pairs and search the Dark Forest]
Draco Malfoy: Okay. Then I get Fang!
Hagrid: Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward.
Dimpled Woman on Train: Anything from the trolly, dears?
Ron: [Holding up his sandwiches] No thanks, i'm all set.
Harry: [Taking some coins out of his pocket] We'll take the lot!
Hermione: You've got dirt on your nose, by the way. Did you know? Just there.
Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like... *real* wizard's chess, do you?
Ron: [looks around] You there, D5!
[one of the giant black pawns crosses the board, the white pawn smashes it with a violent blow]
Ron: [swallows] Yes, Hermione, I think this is gonna be *exactly* like wizard's chess.
Percy Weasley: And keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.
Dumbledore: Also, our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you that the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.
Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow!
Ron: Wingardium leviosar!
Hermione: Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!
Uncle Vernon: He will not be going, I tell you! We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to all this rubbish!
Harry: You knew? You knew all along and you never told me?
Aunt Petunia: Of course we knew. How could you not be? My perfect sister being who she was. My mother and father were so proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one to see her for what she was... a freak! And then she met that Potter. And then she had you, and I knew you would be the same. Just as strange, just as... abnormal. And then if you please, she went and got herself blown up, and we got landed with you.
Harry: Blown up? You told me my parents died in a car crash!
Hagrid: A car crash? A car crash kill Lily and James Potter?
Aunt Petunia: We had to say something.
Hagrid: It's an outrage! It's a scandal!
Uncle Vernon: He'll not be going!
Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself's gonna stop him, are ya?
[stepping over Neville lying on the floor, whom Hermione has petrified using the "Petrificus Totalus Curse"]
Ron: It's for your own good, you know.
George Weasley: [while sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating Christmas dinner] How do you like yours, Ron?
[Ron, however, keep glancing over at Harry, who is sitting far away from everyone else, staring into the fire, remembering the image of his parents from the Mirror of Erised]
George Weasley: Ron?
Ron: I'll be right back.
[puts his utensils down and goes to Harry]
Ron: Wanna play chess?
Ron: Wanna go and visit Hagrid?
Ron: I know what you're thinking Harry, but don't. There's something not right about that mirror.
[Harry merely nods in acknowledgement as Ron rejoins the other Gryffindors]
Ron: [looking for information about Nicholas Flamell] We've looked a hundred times.
Hermione: [leaning closer] Not in the restricted section. Happy Christmas.
Hagrid: If that dolt of a cousin of yours, Dudley, gives you any grief, you could always, um, threaten him with a nice pair of ears to go with that tail of his.
Harry: But, Hagrid, we're not allowed to do magic away from Hogwarts. You know that.
Hagrid: I do, but your cousin don't, do he?
Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Red hair... and a hand-me-down robe. You must be a Weasley.
Caretaker Argus Filch: A pity they let the old punishments die. Was a time detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons. God, I miss the screaming.
Harry: I can't be a-a-a wizard. I mean, I'm just Harry, just Harry.
Harry: You! No, it can't be. Snape, he - he was the...
Professor Quirrel: Yes, he does seem the type, doesn't he? Why, next to him, who would suspect p-p-poor, st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?
Harry: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I might find Platform Nine and Three-Quarters?
Station Guard: Nine and Three-Quarters? Think you're being funny do ya?
[muttering to himself]
Station Guard: Nine and Three-Quarters!
[after seeing Ron's queen destroy Harry's knight]
Hermione: That's totally barbaric!
Ron: That's wizard's chess.
Draco Malfoy: Wait 'til my father hears about this! This is servant's stuff!
Harry: If I didn't know any better, Draco, I'd say you were scared.
Draco Malfoy: I'm not scared, Potter!
Draco Malfoy: Did you hear that?
Harry: [calls the dog] Come on, Fang!
Dumbledore: Yes,Yes well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin, however recent events must be taken into account, and I have a few last minute points to award.
Dumbledore: To Miss Hermione Granger, for the cool use of intellect when others were in great peril, 50 points.
Dumbledore: Second to Mr. Ronald Weasley, for the best played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years, 50 points.
Dumbledore: And third to Mr. Harry Potter, for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award Gryffindor House 60 points.
Hermione: We're tied with Slytherin!
Dumbledore: And finally, it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends, I award 10 points, to Mr. Neville Longbottom.
Dumbledore: Assuming that my calculations are correct, I believe a change in decoration is in order.
Dumbledore: Gryffindor wins the house cup!
Seamus Finnigan: I'm half and half. Me dad's a muggle; Mam's a witch. Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out.
Hagrid: I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the...
Hagrid: Shouldn't have said that. No more questions, don't ask anymore questions!
Sorting Hat: Ah! Another Weasley. I know just what to do with you... GRYFFINDOR!
Nearly Headless Nick: Hello! How are you? Welcome to Gryffindor!
Harry: [trying to get Neville's Rememberall] Give it here, Malfoy or I'll knock you off your broom!
Draco Malfoy: Is that so?
[Harry makes a grab for Malfoy but he moves]
Draco Malfoy: Have it your way then.
[Malfoy throws the Rememberall]
Hagrid: [after telling Harry, Ron and Hermione how to get past fluffy] Oh! I shouldn't have said that.
Harry: Hagrid, who gave you the Dragon Egg? What did he look like?
Hagrid: I don't know. I never saw his face. He kept his hood up.
Harry: This stranger, though, you and he must've talked.
Hagrid: Well, he wanted to know what sort of creatures I looked after. I told him. I said "After Fluffy, a dragon's gonna be no problem."
Harry: Did he seem interested in Fluffy?
Hagrid: Well, of course he was interested in Fluffy. How often do you come across a 3-headed dog, even if you're in the trade? But I told him I said - I said, "The trick with any beast is to know how to calm him." Take Fluffy, for example, just play him a bit of music and he falls straight asleep.
Hagrid: [pause] I shouldn't have told you that.
Hagrid: See Harry, you're famous.
Harry: But why am I famous, Hagrid? All those people back there, how is it they know who I am?
Hagrid: I'm not sure I'm exactly the right person to tell you that, Harry.
Hermione: I'm Hermione Granger and you're Harry Potter!
Hermione: And you are?
Ron: [with his mouth full] Ron Weasley.
Hermione: [frowning] Pleasure.
Draco Malfoy: It's true then, what they're saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts.
[about the Bludgers]
Oliver Wood: Nasty little buggers.
[showing Harry the Golden Snitch]
Harry: I like this ball.
Oliver Wood: Ah, you like it now. Just wait. It's wicked fast, and damn near impossible to see.
Harry: What do I do with it?
Oliver Wood: You catch it, before the other team's seeker. You catch this, the game's over. You catch this, Potter, and we win.
Harry: Say, Percy, who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?
Percy Weasley: Oh, that's Professor Snape, head of Slytherin House.
Harry: What's he teach?
Percy Weasley: Potions. But everyone knows it's the Dark Arts he fancies. He's been after Quirrell's job for *years*.
Hermione: Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?
Dumbledore: [walks onto Privet Drive and takes out lights with tool] I should have known that you would be here, Professor McGonagall.
[to Professor McGonagall, who is a cat]
Professor McGonagall: [transforms into a human] Good evening, Professor Dumbledore.
[walks with Dumbledore]
Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus?
Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good... and the bad.
Professor McGonagall: And the boy?
Dumbledore: Hagrid is bringing him.
Professor McGonagall: Do you think it wise to trust Hagrid with something this important?
Dumbledore: Ah, Professor, I would trust Hagrid with my life.
[Hagrid appears on a flying motorcycle with baby Harry Potter]
Hagrid: Professor Dumbledore, sir, Professor McGonagall.
Dumbledore: No problems, I trust, Hagrid?
Hagrid: No, sir. Little tike fell asleep just as we were flyin' over Bristol. Try not to wake him.
[gives Harry to Dumbledore and McGonagall]
Hagrid: There yeh go.
Professor McGonagall: Albus, do you really think it's safe to leave him with these people? I've watched them all day, they're the worst sort of Muggles imaginable! They really are.
Dumbledore: They're the only family he has.
Professor McGonagall: This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in the world who won't know his name!
Dumbledore: Exactly. He's far better off growing up away from that, until he's ready.
[puts Harry on the Dursley's front step and looks at Hagrid, who is crying]
Dumbledore: There there, Hagrid, it's not really goodbye after all.
[Hagrid nods, while Dumbledore leaves a letter for the Dursleys on Harry]
Dumbledore: Good luck, Harry Potter.
[the camera shoots to Harry's scar]
Aunt Petunia: This is what you're going to be wearing when I finish dying it.
[Hagrid has just very aggressively knocked down the door where the Dursleys are staying]
Hagrid: [Calmly] Sorry about that
[Picks door up and slams it back in place]
Draco Malfoy: [picks up Neville's Rememberall] Did you see his face? Maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze, he'd have remembered to fall on his fat ass.
Hermione: [walks into the girls bathroom and sees a troll, which attacks her with a club as soon as Harry and Ron rush in]
Harry: HERMIONE, MOVE!
[he and Ron throw pieces of broken wood at the giant troll, which doesn't notice and grabs Hermione]
Ron: Hey, pea brain!
[throws a giant peace of wood at the troll, which drops Hermione, but attacks her with the club]
[Harry jumps onto the troll's club and then onto its head, which makes the troll jerk around its head]
Harry: [puts his wand into the troll's nose, while the troll grabs Harry and holds him upside down] Do something!
[the troll tries to hit Harry with the club]
[Ron pulls out his wand]
Harry: Hurry up!
Hermione: [to Ron] Swish and flick!
Ron: Wingardium Leviosa!
[the troll's club comes out of its hand and drops on his head, which knocks it out and leaves a pile of dust]
Hermione: Is it... dead?
Harry: I don't think so, just knocked out.
Professor McGonagall: [as a cat] Mraow!
Dumbledore: I should have known that you would be here, Professor McGonagall.
[Professor McGonagall transfigures into her human self]
Voldemort: Harry Potter. We meet again.
Voldemort: Yes. You see what I've become? See what I must do to survive? Live off another, a mere parasite! Unicorn blood can sustain me, but it cannot give me a body of my own. But there is something that can; something that, conveniently enough, lies in your pocket!
Professor McGonagall: Are the rumors true, Albus?
Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good... and the bad.
Harry: [writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in] Make a wish, Harry.
[looks at Dudley's watch, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-like floor, when someone is trying to break in, which wakes Dudley up]
Uncle Vernon: [come's into Dudley and Harry's room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia] Who's there?
[the door breaks open, and everyone screams in terror]
Hagrid: Sorry about that.
[puts door back on]
Uncle Vernon: I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking an entry!
Hagrid: [walks over to Vernon] Dry up, Dursley, you great prune!
[bends the rifle's end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley]
Hagrid: Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a little bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.
Dudley Dursley: I-I'm not Harry.
Harry: [walks over to Hagrid] I am.
Hagrid: Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, but I imagine it'll taste just the same.
[gives Harry a box]
Hagrid: Painted it myself, words and all.
[Dudley looks jealous]
Harry: [opens the box, to reveal a cake that says HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY on it] Thank you.
Hagrid: It's not every day your young man turns eleven, eh?
Hagrid: I shouldn't have told you that!
Harry: Where's Hermione?
Neville Longbottom: Parvati Patil says that she wouldn't come out of the girls bathroom. She said that she'd been in there all afternoon, crying.
[Harry looks at Ron, who shrugs]
Professor Quirrel: [comes running to Dumbledore] TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!
[Dumbledore and McGonagall stand up, all the kids stare at Quirrell]
Professor Quirrel: Thought you ought to know.
Dumbledore: [kids scream] Silence!
[everybody stops screaming]
Dumbledore: Please do not panic. Now, Prefects will lead their house back to the dormitories, and teachers will follow me to the dungeons.
[kids follow Percy, while Snape walks away and closes the door]
Hagrid: [Harry and Marcus Flint both see the golden snitch and race for it on their broomsticks, while Harry falls off his and looks sick] Looks like he's gonna be sick!
[Harry spits out the golden snitch]
Lee Jordan: He's got the snitch! Harry Potter receives one-hundred and fifty points for catching the snitch!
Madame Hooch: [flying on broomstick] Gryffindor wins!
[the Gryffindor crowd cheers and Snape looks disgusted]
[Harry holds up the snitch and the crowd cheers even more]
Professor McGonagall: Are you sure you could trust Hagrid with such an important thing?
Dumbledore: I would trust Hagrid with my own life.
[Hagrid appears on a motorcycle with baby Harry]
Harry: [Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneak down the stairs, and Harry sees Trevor the toad] Trevor.
Ron: [Trevor croaks] Trevor! Go! You shouldn't be here!
Neville Longbottom: [appears] Neither should you. You're sneaking out again, aren't you!
Harry: Now, Neville, listen, we were...
Neville Longbottom: No! I won't let you! You'll get Gryffindor into trouble again! Uh, I-I'll fight you!
Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this, but Petrificus Totalus!
[takes wand out and uses the Full Body-Bind Curse on Neville, who freezes and falls on the floor]
Ron: [gulps] You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant, but scary.
Harry: Let's go.
Harry: [to Neville] Sorry.
Hermione: [to Neville] Sorry.
Ron: [to Neville] It's for your own good, you know.
Uncle Vernon: [to Harry] There's no such thing as magic!
Professor Severus Snape: You don't want me as your enemy, Quirrell.
Professor Quirrel: TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! Thought you ought to know.
Mr. Ollivander: After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes, but great.
Draco Malfoy: You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.
[holds out hand]
Percy Weasley: Keep an eye on the staircases, they like to change.